


Not The Real Jemma Simmons

by bluehappyking



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Agents of SHIELD, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Post-Episode: s02e11 Aftershocks, fitzskye - Freeform, imaginary jemma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 22:37:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3505319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluehappyking/pseuds/bluehappyking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after 2x11 Aftershocks AU. Fitz is struggling with his thoughts and has no one to talk to except for imaginary Simmons. However, she's never going to be as good as the real thing - even if the real Jemma Simmons doesn't seem to be herself right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not The Real Jemma Simmons

The night grew from beneath them as the team spoke wistfully about a man they knew they’d never have the experience of seeing again. Tripp was gone, but his memories would always remain alive. 

Fitz felt tired but more confused after a long day and told the team he would see them in the morning. Skye got up at the same time saying she would go to bed also. After the rest of the team bid the two goodnight, the two walked in silence for a while .

“Fitz...what you did back there...” Skye began but Fitz stopped her. 

“It’s okay, I understand, not com...compl...fully what you’re going through but just try to keep calm, until we know what’s going on,” Fitz nodded.

“My father told me that people wouldn’t accept me once I changed. We all used to be close, remember? You, me, Simmons, the kid triplets on the bus with daddy Coulson and momma May and evil psycho Ward...” she gritted her teeth at the last bit and Fitz felt a small vibration.

“No, don’t think about it like that, erm...just...Simmons will be okay and Ward isn’t worth... erm...you know, thinking of, about! About.” Fitz told her and Skye gave him another hug.

“You two need to sort things out. Simmons, not Ward,” she said and broke off. “She’ll listen to what you have to say.”

“Okay,” Fitz nodded and Skye smiled, walking off towards her room. “If I could even find the words to say...” he muttered and walked towards his room in the opposite direction. They hadn’t even had a chance to discuss Raina’s results because whilst Fitz had wanted to talk, the mood Simmons was in now, it sounded like she just wanted to be alone. Mack had told him how she’d felt about ‘wiping out a plague’ and he agreed with her (for once) and it was so out of character. Had the Jemma Simmons he knew (and cared about) really changed so much that he’d been forced to keep his distance and secrets from her because he was worried what she would do? 

Jemma Simmons wasn’t a killer, but pushed to the limit, would she?

Fitz knew that the thoughts in his head weren’t as clear as they used to be, but between Mack on a rage against aliens and Coulson, Simmons wanting to kill anyone affected by whatever went on in the temple, and Skye causing bloody earthquakes transformed into a different being, he felt as isolated as when she’d left him. 

At least then, he wasn’t truly alone. He reached his bunk and saw her sat on the end of his bed.

“Simmons? How did you get here?” Fitz looked behind him then at her again with her shorter hair and black blouse and jeans. “You’re not...”

“Well, you tell me - you’re the one who controls whether I appear or not and it has been quite a while so I assume you know the reason,” she smiled sweetly back at him.

“So you’re not...” he breathed out and blinked a couple of times to gather the words. “You’re not the real Jemma Simmons?”

“No Fitz,” she told him and he nodded, sitting down on the bed next to the empty space he was personifying in his mind. 

“Well, if you’re not real, why do you look like...not what you used to look like?” 

“Because you’ve seen her since so your mind has adjusted to what she’s like now rather than how you used to see me,” the fake Simmons explained logically. “You could technically see me in any way you want.”

Fitz smiled to himself slightly.

“Any way I want, hey?” he considered the thought but he imagined fake Simmons hitting him in the arm, and whilst it of course didn’t hurt, he didn’t think he’d be able to focus on talking any clearer than usual with him imagining her in the state of undress he currently was. He shook the thought away.

“So, I know what’s been happening of course but Fitz, keeping those results about Skye a secret? Is that going to be good in the long term? When people find out?” fake Simmons (back to how the current Simmons looked) elucidated the point that Fitz was considering in words.

“Coulson would be upset, as for you...” he said. “You’re going on about killing people like Raina and Skye who have changed to stop more people getting hurt...”

“Hey, I’m not the one saying those things, that’s her, I agree with you. Of course we shouldn’t kill people because they’re different. She doesn’t seem to be able to deal with people who are different, does she? I mean, look at the way she was with you when you were struggling?”

“Now, that’s not fair. She tried her best but...” Fitz considered it. “Yeah, she didn’t seem to be deal...” fake Simmons was about to end the sentence but he held his hand up in front of her and finished it himself, “Able to cope. Maybe she wants things back to how they used to be?”

“But its too late for that,” fake Simmons put a hand on his shoulder. “I know you don’t like change but she seems to like it even less.” 

“Yeah...” Fitz sighed. “But you were always the more changing one of the two of us,” Fitz gestured. 

“Adaptable,” Simmons corrected and he nodded. “Yes, it’s very out of character for her. And you’ve known her for ten years.”

“Exactly,” Fitz clicked his fingers. “She’s never been like this. If she knew about Skye, would she still want to, to kill her? Our...friend?”

“She seemed pretty obsolete in her decision though, Fitz.” fake Simmons always knew how to put it realistically. “Maybe it could be something that happened at HYDRA? After all, she was always very kind and caring before that and didn’t want to have to hurt people. They do a lot of that sort of thing there?”

“But...you don’t think...” he looked at the empty space next to him. “She could be working for HYDRA? Brain...washed? To...”

“...to kill people who are different to us? Well, to you...”

“...because HYDRA sees them as a threat. A gifted like Donnie Gill who opposes HYDRA like Skye would...” Fitz got up instantly and ran to the door. 

“Where are you going? Fitz!” fake Simmons ran after him. 

“I have to find her! Before its too late! SIMMONS! SIMMONS!” he ran towards her room.

“Fitz! This will be the first time you’ve really spoken to her since it all happened, think through what you’re going to say first...” fake Simmons tried to calm him down but he shook his head and reached her room. It was empty and a lot cleaner than Skye’s was. 

“I need to look into her eyes and talk her out of it. SIMMONS! SI...”

“Fitz! What’s happening?” he saw the real Simmons behind him and turned around. “I was just in the loo and heard you shouting...”

“Jemma,” he walked up to her and fake Simmons stepped to one side. “You are...you’re you aren’t you?” he said and put a hand to her cheek to check and felt warmth there (she didn’t flinch or disappear) and took her hand in his.

“Fitz, what are you doing?” she looked up at him, cluelessly.

“We need to talk, come with me,” he said and didn’t let go of her hand and led her to her room. He shut the door behind them and let go of her.

“What’s going on?” she asked and he saw the fake Simmons (the two really did look alike now) gesturing him to go over and talk to her. 

“I hope you’ve thought about what you’re going to say to her,” fake Simmons expressed and Fitz shook his head and looked at her.

“Just shh, don’t talk right now,” he told fake Simmons as he put his arm around real Simmons’ shoulder and made her sit down on the bed and held her hands in his. 

“Wh...what’s...” she said and Fitz looked her directly in the eyes. 

“I need you to close your eyes and just think of me, okay? Trust me.” 

“It sounds like you’re going to kiss her. Oh Fitz, think about the situation you’re in.” fake Simmons told him. 

“Shh...” he let go with one hand and waved his hand at fake Simmons who leant against a chest of drawers.

“I don’t know what you’re planning Fitz but...” Simmons began but he silenced her.

“I need to know, just close your eyes, please,” he told her and Simmons did as she was told. “Okay, right, you are not...erm...sleepy?” he looked back at fake Simmons who shrugged. “You’re a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, you don’t want to...kill?” he said uncertainly and Simmons opened one eye.

“Fitz, what are you doing?” she asked him straightforwardly and he clicked his fingers in front of her face a few times which made her flinch back. 

“I...look, don’t panic, okay but I think you might be brainwashed.” 

“Oh wow, you have so much tact,” fake Simmons rolled her eyes.

“Brain...what? Fitz, what do you mean?” Simmons asked him. “I’m not brainwashed.”

“Well, why else are you insisting on killing Raina and Skye and wiping out all this...plague?” he asked her. She looked away. “That’s not you. So I’m sorry but you’re brainwashed, and we can fix that. I don’t know what...”

“I’m not brainwashed,” Simmons told him and took her hand back, folding her arms closer to her chest. “It...it’s just how I feel.”

Fitz looked at her open mouthed and fake Simmons too seemed shocked.

“You really want to kill...Skye?”

“Not Skye, of course not Skye. She’s not infected as we found out, but if Raina spreads this...you’ve seen how many people get hurt by alien substances,” she explained. “The Chitauri virus, Mack down in the temple, you didn’t see what it made her do down there. She killed all those scientists...”

“But Skye isn’t like that, she wouldn’t hu...”

“I’m not talking about Skye! Fitz,” she used her calming voice and looked in his eyes. “Don’t you remember? You showed me the samples and they were fine? Yes?” she said and looked at him. “I...I think maybe you’re traumatised from the quake, what else don’t you remember?”

“I...I do, I do remember, yeah...” Fitz stood up and walked around the room with Simmons still sat on her bed. He met the eyes of fake Simmons who thought his thoughts aloud.

“If you tell her, she could hurt Skye.”

“I know, but you wouldn’t, not Skye, she’s our friend,” 

“Of course I remember she’s our friend! Fitz, what is going on? Why do you keep talking about Skye?” real Simmons looked at him and he was surprised that she was the one that answered. He looked at fake Simmons.

“Everything you say to me, she can hear. She thinks you’re talking to her,” fake Simmons explained. 

“I am talking to you. I think you should go, you’re confusing me,” he told fake Simmons who, as he turned around, disappeared. 

“But its my room? Surely you should go,” Simmons, the real Jemma Simmons, told him. “Fitz, why are you angry at me?” 

“Because you’re not being yourself and I don’t understand why!” he stamped in frustration. “You’re the real Jemma Simmons but you’re not brainwashed or in my head or affected directly by aliens so I don’t understand!” he put his hands through his own hair and leant over on her chest of drawers, putting his head in his folded arms. Simmons stood up and came over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I thought I told you to go?”

“You want me to go? I’ll go,” Simmons said and when he realised the warmth had left from her hand he turned. 

“No...no, I don’t mean...I’m so confused,” he felt tears in his eyes. “I don’t want you to go. I want her to go. I want the Simmons that isn’t you to go and just the you that’s here back, but now you’re being different and I don’t know what I want...” he breathed out heavily. 

“Because I don’t want anyone else getting hurt, Fitz,” Simmons told him. “Can’t you see what all this stuff is doing to us? We as humans are trying to control things we don’t know, but its destroying us! Its stuff we aren’t meant to meddle with and before it gets out of control it needs to be contained. We don’t know what we’re dealing with here.” 

“But it...what if people we know are hurt by it? What about you? With the...anti...virus...” Fitz clicked his fingers again and faced her. “We found a cure, we saved you. Well, Ward saved you. We have time to find a cure!”

“We don’t! How many people will Raina kill before we get to her? How many more people can she infect and they’ll all want to kill people too. They want to wipe us out, aliens won’t want to live alongside us. We can’t let them hurt the people we love!”

“But what if the people we love are the ones who are like that! And you want to...to kill...” Fitz looked at Simmons.

“But no one we love is infected...are they?” Simmons said and Fitz mouthed wordlessly. “Are they?” she repeated and walked closer to him. “Her samples were the same as before. But she was down there, wasn’t she? She was subjected to the same thing as Raina and she didn’t have a change? And she had the GH-325 and it wasn’t even showing up as abnormal in her blood, but in Coulson’s it did...didn’t it?” Simmons looked Fitz in the eye. “Skye is changed, isn’t she?”

“She isn’t going to hurt anyone...” Fitz muttered and Simmons clasped a hand to her mouth. 

“What did you do?!” she said breathlessly and when he didn’t reply, she shouted. “FITZ!”

“I...” he sighed. “I switched her samples...”

“What?! Why, why would you do that?!”

“Because! She’s scared enough as it is without you trying to get rid of her!”  
“You don’t know what she could do! What she will become!”

“She’s our friend, Jemma! Nothing’s changed about her and you can’t...you can’t treat her like an...alien because she’s Skye. Our friend Skye...” Fitz insisted. 

“I know! And it hurts!” Simmons had tears in her eyes and running down her cheeks. “But if she is changed...Fitz...”

“She’s different, but she’s not changed. She’s the same person with the same...and the same personality. Raina always wanted to hurt people, we all know that. Skye is not a...a threat...you really want to kill her?”

“No...I...I don’t...I don’t know...”

“This is what I mean!” Fitz banged on the side of the drawers and made Simmons jump a little. “This is not you! You care about Skye! She was hurt and we gave her the GH drug! You looked after her, you saved her. Now, you want her dead?”

“No...”

“Just because you cannot deal with people who are different and abnormal. You can’t see that they are the same people under...under...” Fitz banged the chest of drawers again. “UNDERNEATH!” 

“Fitz...”

“You left me, and you’re going to abandon her too because we’re not right,” he shook his head at her.

“I”M SORRY!” Simmons cried. “I...I don’t know what to do...everything...everything is changing and we don’t understand it! I just want it all to go away...” she sobbed and fell to her bed.

“But it won’t go away!” Fitz insisted. “It doesn’t go away and we have to learn to live with it!”

“I can’t...” she shook her head. 

“Then maybe you should go. Go back to HYDRA because that’s exactly the kind of...thoughts they have there,” Fitz pulled out a drawer. “Take your stuff and leave again and then will have the easy way out and you won’t have to deal with it.”

“Fitz!” 

“Pack yourself a bag and go back to those Nazis which is what you’re acting like now!” he tipped the contents of the drawer out onto the floor and grabbed her bag and started to shove them in.

“Stop it! Fitz!” Simmons got up.

“You can tell them about how you want to kill everyone who is different and take us all back to the dark...” 

Her hand collided with his cheek and Fitz dropped her bag and looked up. Simmons gasped and looked up at Fitz, her hands shaking.

“I’m so sorry...oh Fitz...” she cried and launched herself forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugged him and put a hand to his cheek. Fitz, who was speechless again, sat back against the chest of drawers and tentetatively put his arms around her waist as she sobbed into him. “I didn’t mean to...I can’t do this...I can’t cope...”

“It’s...okay...”

“It’s not, it’s not,” she looked up at him, her eyes red from crying. “I’ve been so worried about alien technology hurting everyone but I’m the one who’s been hurting everyone. But I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore and I’m just trying to do something...but I keep doing it wrong. I don’t know what I should do.”

“I think...I think talking about it helps,” he said and she nodded. Fitz was unsure what to do next but with Simmons, the real Jemma Simmons finally in front of him again, things seemed natural again. 

“I don’t feel in control of anything anymore. Too much is changing and its against everything we know,” she sniffed. “I can’t find...” she struggled but Fitz held her tighter, pulling her closer without realising that it would mean she fell forward onto his lap. 

“Sorry...erm...” he began but she didn’t mind.

“I can’t find reasons for what is going on and that really scares me.”

“But that doesn’t mean that you have to get rid of it? Because we don’t know what it is,” Fitz told her and she nodded. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” she leant closer into his shoulder. “I need some help. I’m finding things difficult, Fitz.”

“You can always talk to me?”

“Can I? You won’t let me say what I want to. You won’t let me near you and with you all the way over in the garage and not in the lab anymore. And now, you’re keeping secrets from me because you think I’m some sort of monster.”

“I don’t...” he told her. “I just...I was confused why you were acting...being like that.”

“I don’t even know myself...” Simmons replied and Fitz held her closer to him.

“We’ll work through it. We always do, and we’ll fix it together. All of it We can work out a way to make Skye better or help her deal with what’s happened to her.” He said and she nodded. “As for us? I think maybe I can try spending more time in the lab. As a trial.”

She nodded and dried her eyes.

“I’d like that, but only if you want to.”

“I want to see if we can get back to...to being friends,” he said and she smiled slightly back up at him and put a hand on his shoulder and he cherished the warmth that she brought. He’d missed that.

“I think...maybe I need to be more open minded. So, I think we should start all over again and see where we get to from there. Embrace any other ride life takes us on,” she said. “But, no more secrets. Okay? We have to be totally honest we each other if this is going to work again.” 

Fitz thought about it and looked up, seeing fake Simmons sat on the bed. She smiled at him.

“Well, there is one thing...” he began but fake Simmons cut his thoughts short.

“You don’t need me anymore and I’ll just get in the way,” fake Simmons told him. “You’ve got her back Fitz. I’m your past and the two of you need to restart your future from scratch. You need her, not me. Because, well, you know I was never really there, don’t you?” 

“What is it?” Simmons asked him.

Fitz glanced back at Simmons who was in his arms and realised that she was the only one he needed to focus on now.

“I really missed you when you were gone,” he told her instead and she smiled at him. 

“I missed you too,” she climbed closer onto his lap and hugged him tighter and he hugged her back, nuzzling into her hair which smelt much better than how he’d remembered it in his mind. He looked back to the bed and saw no one there which is how it should be now. 

The world may be changing but at least now there was one thing they could be in control of...

-The End-


End file.
